I was going to use my first blog of the year to do one of those "let's look back at last year and see what we have learned" type of posts. But a recent series of events made me think of something else to blog about tonight.
Over the last year the lives of both sides of my family have been turned upside down, shaken to the core and our faith tested many, many times. It was a little over a year ago that we found that my mother has Stage 4 metastatic breast cancer.
Yes, that means it will take her life.
Within weeks of that news my husband's family got the news that Daniel was diagnosed with myleodysplasia. It is a blood disorder that without a bone marrow transplant will become Acute Myleoid Leukemia. The news was shocking and devastating.
He is only 8....
But as my Mom fought her way through the holidays, Daniel was preparing for his bone marrow transplant. Today Mom's treatments are keeping her alive and Daniel is preparing for a second bone marrow transplant.
As we headed into the New Year, I prayed that friends who had so many struggles in 2010 would have a better year ahead. For me, 2011 has so many question marks. So many things could and quite possibly will happen this year. Optimism is eluding me.
But the one thing that is consistent is my faith. I know that in the midst of illness, another disappointing test result, one more set back, that God is there. God is still working. While I know the outcome for my Mom and whatever the outcome is for Daniel, God will be glorified.
I have that hope because I know that God is faithful in His Word. Romans 8:28 tells us that "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."
I have to be reminded at times that it says "all things" not just in some things. We must, no we have to, learn to trust God in "all" things. But when you are in the midst of trouble or trials, this is hard and sometimes impossible to remember.
While we see the storm, God sees the rainbow. While we see and endless bottom, God knows the way out. There is nothing that God can can not help us face. We are not alone. In the midst of the storm. On the way to the bottom. He is there. We just need to reach out to Him.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Facebook may be good for something after all....
Recently I posted, "I am where I am today because this is where God has put me." as my status on my Facebook page. It wasn't insightful or thought provoking, just how I was feeling at the moment. It was the response I got from one of my friends that surprised me and became the catalyst for this blog post.
The response post read, "C'mon, give yourself some credit! You are where you are because you made the right, or wrong, decisions that put you in that place. Why are people so anxious to thank God, and hesitant to blame God for their place in life?"
Huh? Blame God? Why would I want to blame God? I have never considered blaming God for things that happen. Most of the time if something happens it's because I made a boneheaded mistake. I was the one completely at fault for making the choices that lead me to that point.
But as I reread his post, my heart went out to him. Just then, I considered another thought. How many others are just like my friend? How many "blame God for their place in life?"
Look at Job's wife. She felt that way too. Until today I hadn't thought about it, but Job's wife suffered losses. Usually when we study the book of Job, we look at Job or his "friends", rarely do we consider Job's wife.
While Job suffered losses, so did she. Those were her children who were killed. It was her husband that was afflicted. While Satan was testing Job, Job's wife was tested as too. It was her response that differed from Job however. Her response and the only time it is recorded that she speaks, is to say, "Curse God and die!"
She couldn't see past the calamity. She couldn't see past the pain and the hurt. She couldn't see past her own grief. How many of our friends are like Job's wife? How many of them have become cynical and detached from God because of their pain, hurt or their grief?
I believe God puts people into our lives for two basic of reasons, either for them to be a help us or for us to help them. Tonight, I believe it is the latter. I just pray that God gave me the right words to say to him. To reach out to him. To lead him to God.
The response post read, "C'mon, give yourself some credit! You are where you are because you made the right, or wrong, decisions that put you in that place. Why are people so anxious to thank God, and hesitant to blame God for their place in life?"
Huh? Blame God? Why would I want to blame God? I have never considered blaming God for things that happen. Most of the time if something happens it's because I made a boneheaded mistake. I was the one completely at fault for making the choices that lead me to that point.
But as I reread his post, my heart went out to him. Just then, I considered another thought. How many others are just like my friend? How many "blame God for their place in life?"
Look at Job's wife. She felt that way too. Until today I hadn't thought about it, but Job's wife suffered losses. Usually when we study the book of Job, we look at Job or his "friends", rarely do we consider Job's wife.
While Job suffered losses, so did she. Those were her children who were killed. It was her husband that was afflicted. While Satan was testing Job, Job's wife was tested as too. It was her response that differed from Job however. Her response and the only time it is recorded that she speaks, is to say, "Curse God and die!"
She couldn't see past the calamity. She couldn't see past the pain and the hurt. She couldn't see past her own grief. How many of our friends are like Job's wife? How many of them have become cynical and detached from God because of their pain, hurt or their grief?
I believe God puts people into our lives for two basic of reasons, either for them to be a help us or for us to help them. Tonight, I believe it is the latter. I just pray that God gave me the right words to say to him. To reach out to him. To lead him to God.
Monday, October 18, 2010
My Bucket List
Ok, I did it. I caved. I created a bucket list. Not because I plan on "kicking the bucket" anytime in the near future, but out of boredom. I know, when do I have time to get bored? Generally, I don't have time to stop and think, let alone get bored. Usually my days are overflowing with work, teaching our girls, or stuff that needs done at home. But in this case I had a few hours on my hands. Eugene and I were in the car on the way home from one of our many trips. I had time to kill sitting in the passenger seat watching the miles click away.
If you know anything about me at all, you know that I am a list maker. Yes, I'm one of those crazy people who need to make a list for everything. If a list can be created for it, I have one. Well, probably more than one. I have lists for my lists. So really it should have been a natural thing for me to want to create a bucket list. It's a list after all, isn't it?
But I resisted. Why? I guess it is because I don't want to think about death - especially my own. And I associate bucket lists with "the end". (Notice the multiple references to death...yikes) Frankly, I don't want to be at the end. So I hadn't even thought about making "this" list.
As Eugene and I were chatting away in the car.... Ok, really, I was doing most of the talking, he was graciously listening. So as I was talking, a list began to develop. And I, true to form, had a tablet handy to write it all down. (Because, well, you never know when you have to make a list.)
Then it hit me. I must be one of the most boring people in the universe. You see, my list isn't very long. I've seen other bucket lists that go on for pages. The pages are filled with all kinds of things that people want to do before their end comes. Mine has 21 items. Yep, 21 things I want to do before I leave this great big blue marble. Sad isn't it? No, and here's why....
Here is what really struck me as I sat there and looked at my list. It wasn't the fact that my list was short. (Well that kinda bugged me at first.) But what hit me was all the things I would have put on my list had I created it several years ago. If I had created the list back then I guess it would have been pages long.
I have been so blessed to have been able to meet some amazing people, visit some great places and do some things I had never imagined would be possible. I have gotten to meet some of my heroes. I even married my Price Charming. I couldn't add things to my bucket list because in that moment I realized I had all ready done them. This is how God works. Where we see small, God shows us big. He shows us the blessings.
So instead of lamenting my short bucket list, I started counting all of the wonderful blessings in my life. I would make a list of those as well, but even for this list maker it would use too many tablets.
If you know anything about me at all, you know that I am a list maker. Yes, I'm one of those crazy people who need to make a list for everything. If a list can be created for it, I have one. Well, probably more than one. I have lists for my lists. So really it should have been a natural thing for me to want to create a bucket list. It's a list after all, isn't it?
But I resisted. Why? I guess it is because I don't want to think about death - especially my own. And I associate bucket lists with "the end". (Notice the multiple references to death...yikes) Frankly, I don't want to be at the end. So I hadn't even thought about making "this" list.
As Eugene and I were chatting away in the car.... Ok, really, I was doing most of the talking, he was graciously listening. So as I was talking, a list began to develop. And I, true to form, had a tablet handy to write it all down. (Because, well, you never know when you have to make a list.)
Then it hit me. I must be one of the most boring people in the universe. You see, my list isn't very long. I've seen other bucket lists that go on for pages. The pages are filled with all kinds of things that people want to do before their end comes. Mine has 21 items. Yep, 21 things I want to do before I leave this great big blue marble. Sad isn't it? No, and here's why....
Here is what really struck me as I sat there and looked at my list. It wasn't the fact that my list was short. (Well that kinda bugged me at first.) But what hit me was all the things I would have put on my list had I created it several years ago. If I had created the list back then I guess it would have been pages long.
I have been so blessed to have been able to meet some amazing people, visit some great places and do some things I had never imagined would be possible. I have gotten to meet some of my heroes. I even married my Price Charming. I couldn't add things to my bucket list because in that moment I realized I had all ready done them. This is how God works. Where we see small, God shows us big. He shows us the blessings.
So instead of lamenting my short bucket list, I started counting all of the wonderful blessings in my life. I would make a list of those as well, but even for this list maker it would use too many tablets.
Monday, September 27, 2010
My first blog post
While many people have been blogging for quite some time, I have been reluctant to begin putting my thoughts out there for people to read. It is rather scary to have those who do not know you reading your thoughts and moments in your life. But I have decided to put those fears aside and dive in feet first as I make my way into the unknown. Events of the past week have had me thinking and those thoughts have led me to blogging. Writing as always been my outlet...my catharsis. So in times of stress, excitement and despair I turn to what I know and that, is writing.
Last week I was attending a conference in Deer Valley, Utah. I boarded the plane very reluctant to attend. Why? A myriad of reasons, really. I hate leaving my family for more than one night, especially being on the other side of the country. With multiple family members suffering with various forms of cancer, being 1800 miles and 6 plus hours on a plane to get home, you are afraid of getting "that" call.
Our first event was an opening dinner with all of the attendees. Dinner was fabulous even by conference standards. The presentation after dinner was insightful, touching and at points down right hilarious. But after being up since 4 am, I had reached the point in which I couldn't hold my eyes open any longer. I was looking forward to crawling into bed.
After feeling like I just fell asleep, I was startled by the phone in the room ringing. Fear washed over me as I stumbled across the room. My thoughts went to my family and I was certain it was going to be "that" call. My trip would be forever changed when I answered the phone.
In his most serious tone, my boss said, "You need to get to the lobby, now" Knowing him the way I do, when he says now you don't question, you just do what he says. So as I fumbled to find my clothes, my mind was racing with all the different scenarios that would need me to go to the lobby at midnight. As I head down the stairs, a small group of people collected, whispering to each other. Again, my mind races.... I am met with the words that will be forever a part of me. "Tonight, after going to his room, Greg passed away."
Never do you think you will hear those words at a conference. Conferences at the worst are just supposed to be boring and a complete waste of time. Never are they supposed to be a place to mourn a friend and a colleague. Most shocking was I spent time with him after dinner. I watched as his eyes lit up as he discussed what he was working on for a campaign. It was a great conversation. I giggled as he talked, because I had never seen anyone get so excited talking about a project like Greg. But that was Greg, he loved his work.
Greg was 59, but apparently had the heart of an 80 year old man. According to his wife, it wasn't a matter of if, it was a matter of when. When came Monday night....shocking those closest to him.
Even though I knew Greg, I was honestly surprised by how little I really knew Greg. Others at the conference would ask how old he was, if he had a wife or children. I am embarrassed and frankly ashamed to say I didn't have an answer to these questions. These are simple questions really. We think we know those who are around us. But do we really know them? Honestly?
I have learned several lessons from Greg's passing. First, God is working in everything. I knew this before the trip but I was reminded again that night. He was in control of this situation and for whatever reason He decided to call Greg home. Second, I have learned that I need to take more time to learn about those around me, to be able to answer those simple questions at least. And, lastly, I have learned that we can't take any moment for granted. Life is but a vapor and then we are gone. When Greg walked out of his door that morning, little did his wife know it would be the last she would see him. So we need to make the most of the time we have while we are here. Don't let that chance to tell someone you love them or that you care go by, you may never have it again.
Last week I was attending a conference in Deer Valley, Utah. I boarded the plane very reluctant to attend. Why? A myriad of reasons, really. I hate leaving my family for more than one night, especially being on the other side of the country. With multiple family members suffering with various forms of cancer, being 1800 miles and 6 plus hours on a plane to get home, you are afraid of getting "that" call.
Our first event was an opening dinner with all of the attendees. Dinner was fabulous even by conference standards. The presentation after dinner was insightful, touching and at points down right hilarious. But after being up since 4 am, I had reached the point in which I couldn't hold my eyes open any longer. I was looking forward to crawling into bed.
After feeling like I just fell asleep, I was startled by the phone in the room ringing. Fear washed over me as I stumbled across the room. My thoughts went to my family and I was certain it was going to be "that" call. My trip would be forever changed when I answered the phone.
In his most serious tone, my boss said, "You need to get to the lobby, now" Knowing him the way I do, when he says now you don't question, you just do what he says. So as I fumbled to find my clothes, my mind was racing with all the different scenarios that would need me to go to the lobby at midnight. As I head down the stairs, a small group of people collected, whispering to each other. Again, my mind races.... I am met with the words that will be forever a part of me. "Tonight, after going to his room, Greg passed away."
Never do you think you will hear those words at a conference. Conferences at the worst are just supposed to be boring and a complete waste of time. Never are they supposed to be a place to mourn a friend and a colleague. Most shocking was I spent time with him after dinner. I watched as his eyes lit up as he discussed what he was working on for a campaign. It was a great conversation. I giggled as he talked, because I had never seen anyone get so excited talking about a project like Greg. But that was Greg, he loved his work.
Greg was 59, but apparently had the heart of an 80 year old man. According to his wife, it wasn't a matter of if, it was a matter of when. When came Monday night....shocking those closest to him.
Even though I knew Greg, I was honestly surprised by how little I really knew Greg. Others at the conference would ask how old he was, if he had a wife or children. I am embarrassed and frankly ashamed to say I didn't have an answer to these questions. These are simple questions really. We think we know those who are around us. But do we really know them? Honestly?
I have learned several lessons from Greg's passing. First, God is working in everything. I knew this before the trip but I was reminded again that night. He was in control of this situation and for whatever reason He decided to call Greg home. Second, I have learned that I need to take more time to learn about those around me, to be able to answer those simple questions at least. And, lastly, I have learned that we can't take any moment for granted. Life is but a vapor and then we are gone. When Greg walked out of his door that morning, little did his wife know it would be the last she would see him. So we need to make the most of the time we have while we are here. Don't let that chance to tell someone you love them or that you care go by, you may never have it again.
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